teen FOCUS :]

What did you dream about last night?

2011-03-19T07:21:00.001-07:00

oreo.<3

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you won a million dollars what would you do with it?

2011-01-17T03:14:00.001-08:00

invest on shares :D

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you had to give up one favorite food, what would the most difficult?

2011-01-17T03:08:00.001-08:00

Chocolate ><

go on, dont be shy :DD

What music are you listening to today?

2011-01-17T03:07:00.003-08:00

the script :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

Sneakers or sandals?

2011-01-17T03:07:00.001-08:00

sneakers :D

go on, dont be shy :DD

What video game have you played the most?

2011-01-16T03:45:00.003-08:00

Counter Strike! yeah

go on, dont be shy :DD

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

2011-01-16T03:45:00.001-08:00

a cashier in the grocery . i liked the *tit* sound when an item is placed on it. haha!

go on, dont be shy :DD

When was the last time you received flowers?

2011-01-16T03:33:00.003-08:00

April 22, 2010

go on, dont be shy :DD

Would you rather own a luxury yacht or a private jet?

2011-01-16T03:33:00.001-08:00

private. :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

Were you a Michael Jackson fan?

2011-01-16T03:24:00.001-08:00

naaaaaaaah.

go on, dont be shy :DD

What was your worst travel experience?

2011-01-16T03:19:00.005-08:00

went to Manay and had to hold back my pee because there's no comfy on the road ><

go on, dont be shy :DD

Who's the most talented person you know?

2011-01-16T03:19:00.003-08:00

Judy R. Fariolen :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you could ask George W. Bush one question what would it be?

2011-01-16T03:19:00.001-08:00

you think you can do ballet?

go on, dont be shy :DD

What's your dream car?

2011-01-16T03:11:00.001-08:00

Porsche Boxster Spyder

go on, dont be shy :DD

What's the furthest you've ever traveled?

2011-01-16T00:19:00.001-08:00

milky way galaxy. thru the power of my imagination :))

go on, dont be shy :DD

Would you rather be a zombie or a mummy?

2011-01-16T00:09:00.003-08:00

OR. haha

go on, dont be shy :DD

How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

2011-01-16T00:09:00.001-08:00

Petite. Contented. Happy :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you could be on one TV show which one would it be?

2011-01-15T23:58:00.007-08:00

Opera Winfrey Show

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

2011-01-15T23:58:00.005-08:00

Macy Potter :D

go on, dont be shy :DD

What one thing are you exceptionally bad at?

2011-01-15T23:58:00.003-08:00

MATH. oc come on ><

go on, dont be shy :DD

What's the best food in town?

2011-01-15T23:58:00.001-08:00

alimango (crabs) and uh uh LOBSTERS. yumm :D

go on, dont be shy :DD

Who was the best teacher you've ever had?

2011-01-15T23:57:00.001-08:00

Mom. :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you won a $1,000 shopping spree for any store, which store would you pick?

2011-01-15T02:24:00.001-08:00

Mall of Asia

go on, dont be shy :DD

Would you rather be a famous musician or a famous actor?

2011-01-15T02:22:00.001-08:00

famous musician :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

formspring.me

2011-01-15T02:15:00.003-08:00

bring it on :DD http://formspring.me/macymacymacy

What's your favorite season of the year?

2011-01-15T02:15:00.001-08:00

summer :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

What's the nicest thing someone's ever done for you?

2011-01-15T02:14:00.001-08:00

sang for me in the crowd :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?

2011-01-14T05:52:00.001-08:00

Highschool, 4th year :(

go on, dont be shy :DD

Who was the best teacher you've ever had?

2011-01-14T05:51:00.003-08:00

Mom :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

Would you rather work at a large company or a small one?

2011-01-14T05:51:00.001-08:00

Small. like L's company on The Death Note :D

go on, dont be shy :DD

Who's the sexiest woman alive?

2011-01-14T05:46:00.003-08:00

MOM. deal with it :D

go on, dont be shy :DD

What's the best place near you to get some ice cream?

2011-01-14T05:46:00.001-08:00

CONVIENCE STORE ;D

go on, dont be shy :DD

If you won a million dollars what would you do with it?

2010-11-24T07:43:00.001-08:00

go for a world tour :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

What was your worst travel experience?

2010-11-24T07:42:00.003-08:00

my wallet was magically lost ><

go on, dont be shy :DD

What music are you listening to today?

2010-11-24T07:42:00.001-08:00

You and I tonight :)

go on, dont be shy :DD

formspring.me

2010-11-24T07:38:00.001-08:00

go on, dont be shy :DD http://formspring.me/macymacymacy

2010-07-19T01:03:00.000-07:00

            I can't stand it.

            That's it. I said it already. I CAN'T STAND IT. I freaking abhor stereotyping. We usually think of it as a usual part of our day to day routine. We often do this. With or without conscious. It somehow runs in our minds that stereotyping is normal. That's what most of us think. That's what most of us believe. But I think reverse.

            Who would wanna be called nerds and freaks and geeks? Who would wanna be called as high-hats and socialites and cheap mongrels and skyrunner freaks? Who would wanna be called coal blacks? Who wanna be called names out of foolishness, stereotypes or worse- discrimination?

            It can't be denied that there is a major discrepancy between all of us. We are all unique right? But what's with the stereotyping and judgmental-ISM? Stereotyping is getting into my nerves and I just can't let it slip my way. It's only masking peoples' true identities thus hiding their true personalities from the whole world. Stereotyping is not a simple problem. It's not just a laughing stock or whatever. It's something to think about. What if this will get into you and put you in great misery? would you let that happen? Think about it.

          I'd like to end this with this simple words from Johny Depp- "I am a weirdo. All of us are weirdos in our own special ways." So don't you ever... JUDGE :))))

Nostalgia: real killer.

2010-07-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how we rush things and want them to change in our own wills. And when everything else has changed already, we’d suddenly want them to get back to where they really belong. We’d wish so hard we could turn back time. What an irony.

The fun-filled days jam-packed with happy nostalgia. They seem so endless. I had so much fun even at the beginning. I have to admit that. I had real friends. I can’t even deny the fact that I have already grew attached to that place. But something (I thought) was still not right. Something was still lacking. I was still on search. On search of something neither do I know. Right then and there, I thought leaving was the best idea. I was in a search for greener pastures. I had a rush decision I have to admit that. And so, I have to leave the one place that I was dreaming to live… I never realized I so love the place until I left. I never realized the essence of being there. I never realized I just have to think harder. I never realized.

Now all I have are memories. Hard and soft. I keep weeping. I thought I’d be happier if I’d leave. But no. I wasn’t. I was never. I was begging for one more chance. But life wasn’t that easy. You have to stand up for what you’ve decided. You have to deal with it unit it deals with you already. You have to live what you decided. PERIOD.

Regrets are relentless. They are haunting. My mind had experienced a great battle. But I was too insubstantial for that. I became a one-day hero. ONE day only. After that? I was a crap. I was useless already. What my mind has made up was also rubbish. I keep cursing myself. But what can I still do? I am already far far away from my home away from home. I have lost so many things. I have lost so many people. I have lost so many chances and opportunities life had to offer. I know I have a lesson to determine here. But I don’t wanna think about it anymore. Now I’m bitter L

that moment..

2010-05-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

I didnt quite get the feeling. I was like experiencing heaven in a very very hot ambiance. I was stooping down low. Heavy breaths filled me up. I didnt know what to do. I was reaching the climax of my happiness and I was still thinking about how I am gonna react and so on. What's gonna be the first thing Im gonna do? What???? I am filled with confusions only I know the answer.

Argh!!! I dont know how I feel right now so I dont know what to write. I DONT KNOW. I am running out of words so lets put it this way:

I am partly excited, partly nervous, partly confused, partly lost. Whatever that is, I am happy, or so, i think. i and kuya were waiting down the escalator. there was a thrill there. We could first see the feet of the passenger and they would slowy be revealed as the escalator goes down. I was nervous. You know the feeling of waiting and anxious about how youre gonna act towards your dad whom you didnt see for almost 2 years???? It was some sort of a thrill and excitement. I was staring keenly to the feet, an pants and the persons revealed. Where's dad now?

Thrilled as I was, my excitement was rising dramatically making my heart pound a million times faster. Darn. A feet caught my attention. As he was slowly revealed, i knew it was dad. I just stared intently. I was quite astounded, flabbergasted. Woah! He waved excitedly! Know what I did? I ran as fast as I could towards him not caring about the people around and as I reached him, I huuuuuuuuuuggggged hinm soooooooooooooooooo tight! I didnt quite realized my tears were filling up my warm cold cheeks. I was so flabbergasted. Dad. I miss you so much, I thought I was gonna abhor you forever. No. I realized how much I missed him and I love him so much. He is darn so irreplaceable. I was flattered so much when he enveloped us with his warm hug and he was crying too. Tears of joy. Happy? Litote! Haha. I am more than happy and I am sure with that. :)))

I really dont know what to say now---- still amazed and I am still trying to let dad's arrival sink into my mind. Its as if i am still dreaming with butterflies in my stomach and fireflies on my head. LOL. Next time napud. bonding sa miiii :))))

with all the love in the world,

<3MacyPiaoLiang :)))))))))))

This is how i disappear :(

2010-04-28T01:12:00.000-07:00

I thought I’d be stronger this time. But no I wasn’t. I was worse.

Yesterday was heaven. Now it’s hell. Irony is- I’m not feeling its burning fires. It’s way too cold. Way too silent. Way too sorrowful. I don’t know what to do. I’m dumped in a cold hell.

I know, I have to get used to being here in the silent abyss of deafening screams of anguishes and cries of pathetic hopes and illusions. I have to understand and embrace the understanding that the magic you once knew and felt wouldn’t last long in your eyes. But I should always think it’s gonna stay for the rest of my life in my heart if I wouldn’t let it slip away.

When he left, it was like the whole world died with me. I couldn’t stop crying and worse, I can’t live a life. I suddenly got used to waking up in the morning hearing his bubbly voice chatting with mom and grandma outside. I would hurriedly get up from bed and hurry to the kitchen and then run to him to get a morning comfort. He would envelope me with his warm embrace and right then and there, I’d feel so contented. And when its siesta time, I would fall asleep on his soft lap and wake up seeing his eyes glued to me. Darn. He would put up a smile, caress my face and whisper I love you. And I wouldn’t think it’s a mirage at all, it was happening right before me.

He was with me during the first five days of my 18th year of existence. I got used to the idea of having him beside me always. I wouldn’t feel bad for he was always right there. He was the greatest substitute dad ever. My boyfriend served as my brother, my confidante, my dad, my adviser, best friend, caretaker, daily reminder, inspiration- darn. HE’S EVERYTHING. He can be anything for me. And I can’t help falling in love with him deeper every second of my life. Darn. Am I really this worse?

We are one of the thousands who experience long distance relationships. It’s killing me. We seldom see each other that’s why we’d savor every moment spent together. I thought I’d get used to this routine- Be with him, experience happiness, see him pack, watch him leave. I thought it would only hurt in the beginning. But as I have noticed, it had gone worse.

When he left yesterday, it was as if the world had ended. It was as if the world stopped breathing, lost its colors and it was as if I was torn into millions of pieces and I can never be brought back again. I never learned to master this situation. Darn. Why can’t I? It tears me up knowing his departure time. It tears me more seeing him pack. And it kills me seeing him leave with his bus. I can’t help but pour down all the pain left within me. I can’t help it. Darn. Darn. DARN.

Now I am still suffering. When I got home from the terminal, I suddenly wished and hoped against hope that I would see him when I enter the living room. I closed my eyes, wished, opened the door- and then tears. HE WASN’T THERE ANYMORE. I tried to look for him at the kitchen, he wasn’t there. I tried to keep quiet, listen and wait ‘til his bubbly voice would float back in mid air. It never sounded like before. The silence is deafening. I listened harder. But no voice would ever fill the air except my sniffs. I whispered a shaky “I love you mahal kuu” in the air but there was no answer. The silence got more painful. It was then that I realized he had gone home already. I felt my heart melted in pain and my body grew weak.

I lied down to where he slept awhile ago and tried to smell the scents he left. Darn. It was there. It made me cry and desire for his presence more. I badly wanna see him again. I can’t help but hug the pillow he left and get covered by his blanket. Still, it was insufficient to relieve my sadness. It just made me wanna see him more. I cried so hard but he’s travelled too far now, he won’t hear me anymore. No matter how hard I cry, he can’t just see me anymore. And I can’t help being bitter. Then I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I closed my eyes and wished it was just a dream. I tried to touch the other side of the bed without looking at it, it was flat, I had no one to touch to. My heart sank. It made me sadder. God. Help me. I didn’t wanna get up because I don’t wanna see the empty chairs of the kitchen. I didn’t wanna get up because I had no one to talk to. I don’t wanna move. He wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to start. Until now, I am still crying like crazy. I don’t know when am I gonna get over it and accept we’ll see each other soon. But how long is soon? We’re million miles from each other. Tell me, how long is soon? :(

i have a GOD :)

2010-04-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

I never wanted to turn my back to the one I know who loves me the most. And it's so stupid of me to forget him almost everytime. worse, every happy momentum in my life. Now that's not fair.

If it wouldn't be for him, I wouldn't get even a taste of the sweet chills of happiness. I wouldn't get to feel the soothing and comforting love around me. I wouldn't be able to see the beauty and splendor of life. For simplicity's sake, let's put it this way; If not for him, I wouldn't be here. Period.

Imagine this. You're so desperate to acquire something, you just have to have that and you trade all things in the world just for it. You pray so hard from dawn to dusk and do extra rituals all night long, you ask for divine interventions, you do novenas and all sorts of stuff calling His name for divine providence. You call all the names of the saints, you kneel from the door of the church to its altars. You just won't move without calling his name. And when you magically get what you've been dying to ask, you forget Him. Did it ever happen to you?

It would be so hypocrite of me if I say no. It's not surprising anymore, I have done it so many times, I have lost count of it already. I have come to realize how stupid I am to forget the one entity I have been troubling with my urges. That was drop-dead stupid of me. I have been so stupid. Darn. I hate myself for it. It's like this, I can already sleep at night because finally, I am provided. But there is something bothering me and makes me wanna rise again. That's conscience I think. Or whatever you wanna call it okay. I tend to never mind that something and let it slip away. I can remember. But I act as if I can't remember at all. Silly. No. Silly is a litote, silly!

I have always wanted to change. I have always wanted for the world to change. I wanna live a life alright? It's just that, I am so human. But I have always had a hope. Human is never far from humane, so I always get the chance. I am gonna make the world proud. How?

Change. Walk straight. Acknowledge God, always.

Follow this blog

le miserab. haha :)

2010-04-08T20:55:00.001-07:00

Summer’s not all fun. How could it be when you just sit all day long on your couch and do nothing- penniless?

It’s a big piece of irony when you say summer is the best time for all school buddies out there. Let’s say, well alright half of it constitutes a point. But you can’t hide the truth that when you don’t go to school, you receive no allowance and when you receive no allowance, you suck. You can’t do anything; you get stuck in your lonesome and boring house- well unless your den’s got it all.

I wonder how I could miss even my stupidest classmate and my most terrifying professor. It’s not strange anymore though. I can’t help but to reminisce all the crazy schemes inside the school with ‘em. I think I just get this ‘really miserable’ when I am left with nothing to do. I would wish school to open as soon as possible but never mind the school burdens and loads. Darn.

Just this afternoon, I found myself super jaded. I have finished reading all the books left in my mini library, dusty or not. I have watched all the movies I could. I have surfed the net from dawn to daybreak. Darn. I am really humdrum-stricken. I have even deciphered my mom’s antique books and read it cover to cover because of boredom. Our travel’s not until next week. I am really really bored to death. If you’ll tell me to hang-out with my friends- where? My summer’s RAINING CATS AND DOGS. DARN. DARN.

Let’s wait until next week. I’m going to decrypt a new out of the ordinary things (for me) to fill this summer. I’m gonna get rid of this boredom. You’ll see J

Mindanao Open Skimboarding Competition: a fish to kill :))

2010-04-04T19:05:00.001-07:00

-before the incident-

This afternoon, I and my friends almost lost our lives.

4^th of April was a big event for Mati’s very own, Dahican Beach Resort. The 1^st Mindanao Open Skimboarding Competition paved its way here. Together with the big event came “big” people. Foreigners, politicians, popular skimboarders, media and many others made their appearances, and of course, the excited people of Mati. There were also audiences who travelled all the way from England, Manila- well, I didn’t really surveyed on that. Let’s just put it this way; there was a really huge number of people.

The sun was burning hot. The sea waves were monsterish. Dahican was a one-hot place to be. It was a picturesque of Boracay. No matter how big and threatening the waves are, the sea was still so oh-so tempting. I and my friends decided to bathe in the sea after the competition. We were brave enough to decide to bathe there since were already used to the feeling of being excruciated by the sea. If you know what I mean. J The waves would swallow you down and throb you so hard that you’ll reach the point of hoping you can get out of it ALIVE.

We didn’t expect it was also gonna be a big day for us. When the competitions took its lunch break, we decided to invade the sea. We took off our shirts and bravely greet the giant waves. We were just enjoying ourselves when I noticed it wasn’t normal anymore. The waves were getting gigantic and more powerful. My strength dropped down and I could hardly breathe already. One of my friends started to scream for help, she was already being drowned. I called out for my younger sister, Yna and cousin, Jill and told them to return to the seashore. The waves are starting to kill us already.

Just as I was about to stand up and return to the safe place, a big wave hit us and swallowed me down. Fortunately, Yna, Jill and my friend’s sister, Kakai, were already brought to the seashore. Leaving Bdick, Kim, Kim’s boyfriend and I drowning and excruciated by the murdering waves. The waves brought Bdick so far from the seashore already, and she can’t swim. Kim’s sister, Dimple, swam after her and tried to save her. Kim’s boyfriend, Xander, was also trying to save Kim. I was alone. I thought it was gonna be the end. I couldn’t find my way out anymore. The waves were continually swallowing me down.

Kakai started shouting for help and the coastguard came rapidly with life savers. I was already hopeless. I was thinking of giving up. My body was seriously hurting so much and I couldn’t find any strength from it anymore. It was difficult for the coastguards to save us since the waves are really so enormous it would also kill them. Finally, a coastguard grabbed me and helped me stand up. He just told me to swim back to the seashore and left to rescue my still, drowning friends. I was annoyed because I have no strength left and he wants me to swim?! What the hell?! But it was beginning to be alright anyway. With all the scanty vigor left in me, I stood up.

But the waves are just so teasing. As I stood up, another monsterish wave hit me and unfortunately, swallowed me down again. I lost all the hope left in me. I called out for divine interventions. I was preparing to see the light, until.. Someone from behind grabbed me and took me to the shore in the quickest time possible. I embraced him without even knowing who he was. As I looked up, it was my ex. I couldn’t utter a word. I couldn’t move. I was shaking so hard. I was in a state of shock. I was traumatized. Ghaddamit. After I was saved, Kim and Bdick followed. We were like children who got so lost in the middle of the sea of crowd. We were still gasping. It took me half an hour to move. What annoyed us most was that, the people were starting to crowd us. Flashes from cameras thundered from here to there. Was it there first time to witness such incident?!

We pulled out ourselves from the scenery. But the f*cking cameras were still following us up to the place where we have to go. They won’t just leave us alone. Thank goodness we were able to lose them. We were already having our rest until minutes after, the ambulance went ringing again. Another batch of kids were drowned in the water and were rescued. Hours after, 4 boys were rescued again, including my ex who was also trying to save his friend.

Now tell me. Was it the hot skimboarders who highlighted the event or- our murdering sea? :P

Carpe Diem

2010-03-21T01:01:00.000-07:00

Attack life. It’s going to kill you anyway.

Why fear when you can’t fear at all? What’s the point of hiding away from the reality when you can control it all by yourself anyway? Seize the day.

I would have to accept what there is to accept for me but of course not just deal with it. If I have to do something about it, I would. Strike while the iron is hot, strike while the iron is cold too. It doesn’t matter anyway. Life doesn’t need too much seriousness. You can’t spoil all your life by becoming oh-so serious! No one gets out of it alive anyway. Add colors and spice up your lifestyle. Do what you have to do.

Try new stuffs while I still can. I’ll never know. Life is predictably unpredictable. Tell stories, convey emotions, do actions, take parts. I will never know what’s going to happen next but wouldn’t it be a much-better-thing to consider if you are prepared? Isn’t it cool-ER?? I’d take every chance that’d greet my way. Opportunities doesn’t knock only once if you have a backdoor, so I will make myself always open to chances if I missed one. It wouldn’t be the end of the world anyway.

Never be afraid. All of us possess our own special purposes; I don’t have to compare myself to others. I wouldn’t believe that there’s a point in competing with them. I am unique; I wouldn’t need insecurities to hamper my way. I’d be me. No ifs, ands or buts about. I’d spend my life doing what my heart tells me to. But I will always consider others’ feelings. I know regrets are inevitable, they’re resentful right. But I know I can always do something about it.

I’d love as if I’ve never been hurt. I’d care as if I master medicine. I’d reach out as if I have extendable arms. I’d give as if I have everything. I’d dance as if I’ll never dance again. I’d sing to the top of my lungs. I’d make them know about my God. I’d take education like it’s the only treasure in the world. I’d protect as if I’m Joan of Arc. I’d live as if there’s no tomorrow. I’d take every chance. Life is short. Don’t make it shortened. But that doesn’t mean we have to rush. Cherish every moment, seize every opportunity.

Lastly, I wouldn’t count seconds. I’d make every second count. :)

PBB Teen Clash of 2010 Auditions: a clash of teen spirits

2010-03-09T05:16:00.001-08:00

Over 5,000 dreams were waiting- hoping. Under the murdering heat of the sun, outside SM City Davao, thousands of teenagers all over the Davao Region have been waiting anxiously for their turns in the audition. Over 5,000 teens gathered only with one aim- to be one of the "housemates" in the reality show in ABS-CBN, The Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition 2010. Admittedly, I was one of the thousands of youth who stood up there and endured the what seemed to be a "kilometer-long line" for almost 3 hours. Well, I stood up for this motivation, "Charge to experience". Promise! It was really a "what-the-hell thing".

Who would like to be squeezed so hard in the middle of the huge crowd anyway? If it wasn't for my company- Ms. Jessa June Uyan, I would have gone straight home right from the start. Upon seeing the amazingly huge crowd, I was undeniably motivated. Yes. Motivated. It was really fun gazing at the other teens’ faces, there are some who wore really thick make ups and heavy outfits. But their postures seemed to melt with the burning sun. Haha. :)) I was only wearing a pants, shirts and sneakers. So Probinsyana.

What added to the fun was that, we were able to gain "instant friends". Yeah. We weren't the only youth travelers. There were also some who traveled all the way from Cagayan, Bukidnon and Cotabato. Wow. They were determined. All eyes on the prize. Great. I wasn't even thinking of getting into the list. Again, it was only a ''charge to experience thing''. They were really brave-warriors.

We were like standing under the heat of the sun for more than 3 hours but the line would only move an inch per 30 minutes. I was already confused of what to feel and how to act. I was like dying out of boredom and my knees were already shaking out of exhaustion. But it wasn’t until the security guard opened the path to the proper line. I hurriedly grabbed Jessa with me and we ran with the excited teens straight to the line.

It was really thrilling and exciting. We found ourselves finally falling in the real lineup. The people around us were pushing so hard that we were already pressed tightly and I can hardly breathe. But I still found it really exciting. I wasn’t annoyed or what. I was still laughing so hard in the inside.

Jessa’s face couldn’t be drawn already. Mine too of course. Imagine the crowd! What grabbed my attention was that there was this young man who was still surfing the net with his iPhone despite the hard scenery. There was also this guy who was complaining about the people who kept breaking the line. He was a tough one. The two of them, Jessa and I became friends. Let’s say, Instant best friends. Kuya Kevin, Kuya Jimwell and Jessa served as my source of strength.

We barely knew each other but we were really determined not to stay away from each other. Whatever happens, we should always be intact. It was so fun because we seemed to like know each other for how many years now. We served as each other’s support system.

The crowd grew impatient and mad. They started pushing really hard that there was already a semi-stampede happening. The security guards couldn’t block the mad teens anymore. Are the teens from Mindanao this desperate already? I don’t know. I was starting to lose oxygen- but it was still fun.

The auditions finally started. Our waiting time for our turns in the auditions seemed to be the greatest irony of our audition time. The audition lasted for just approximately 3 minutes and if they don’t like you, never mind the torments you’ve just undergone awhile ago. You just have to go straight home.

A few rejoiced but thousands more were frustrated and disappointed. I and my instant friends didn’t make it. But it was still fun. Hell yeah. We were still intact. We were still winners by self proclamation. We were already “The Big Four”. Whatever. Haha. The experience was worth it all. I never thought I could reach that far. I’m still proud of myself somehow. I can finally say I have already tried- no regrets at all. J

Being there and getting an audition number was already a blessing. To be chosen as the Mindanao representative for the PBB Teen Edition was already a bonus. To gain really good friends in a moment? WINNER.

hell or what? NO. JUST A SCHOOL.

2010-03-02T17:03:00.000-08:00

How do you define school when you're on the fringe of prolonged agonies- piled up projects, unending assignments, murdering exams- amd worse, you still can't get enough of the reason why you still have failing grades- yes. it is conclusively striking- you're becoming bitterER, and you define school as HELL!

There are just times where you thought you've done all the ghadamned things you have to do. you thought you're gonna blow out of exhaustion and you just can't stop blaming school, teachers and so on for your unbeatable stress. You can't help but to curse the teachers behind their backs for laying all the miseries in the world at you.How could they do all these things to you- an innocent, paying minor. How in the world? And you ask for justice and concord but still they don't get it. They still inflict murdering, insurmountable schoolworks on you which seemd to be all IMMORTAL. There's no way you can't beat them.

But hey. Pause a second. Going back at the first place, think and try to remember, did you do your part on the first step? Did you take a step? Or did you just take all these things for granted and here you are right now- cramming to death. ? Regrets would come but they will all just pass away. Just think :]

magic. :]

2010-03-02T16:40:00.000-08:00

I can't help myself from falling inlove with the magic of the stars at night. Their twinkles allure my eyes and make me believe that there is something really very special- unnoticed- up there- and beneath them. Something out of the ordinary lies and I just have to figure out what it is.. But I don't even know where to start.

The mystery is thrilling. The scene is stupendous. I can't help it. I just have to find out what lies beneath all these stars.. the world.

all against the FURY OF NATURE.

2010-03-02T05:50:00.001-08:00

Aren’t we supposed to enjoy fully our lives as teenagers? Aren’t we supposed to have all the fun we can get especially from the nature? How are we gonna do that nowadays? How – without worrying too much from the unpredictable fierce of nature?

Darn. I really can’t help but think too much of what’s happening around. Earthquakes, Typhoons, Blizzards, Hail storms, Tsunamis- these are just some of how the nature claims back its glory or so. How are we gonna fight all these? All the worlds in a state of calamity (by self declaration) and I can’t help but think ‘are we still gonna reach the sun rise tomorrow?’

I can’t help it. I am scared, I can’t hide it. Scared! What a litote! I just can’t help but feel so deprived of the things we can enjoy from the nature. I can’t help but feel deprived- by the nature. Classes are cancelled habitually, we can’t go out time and again because we’re still uncertain of our safety and our actions are so damn limited. Darn! Yesterday, we were enjoying the beach’s big waves, but now, we just can’t be confident enough. Our lives are still at stake. Often times, I would ask myself why are all these things happening? Can we put all the blame to the people?

The nature’s fury is inexorable. Worse, unpredictable. It is finally coming back to claim what needs to be claimed- LIVES. Now how are we going to fight a battle we can’t even see clearly? Are we ready?

How are we going to fix all these? The nature’s vengeance has just begun but we’re already conclusively losing our strengths. Many have lost their shelters, their properties and despondently, many have paid the nature with their lives. The mayhem caused by the nature is hard to mend. We don’t even know where to start by now.

I am trying really hard to grasp the understanding of what’s happening around. Actually, thinking about the things I would have done for fun as a youngster- none of them seem to matter anymore in this state of mishap. I couldn’t be more selfish.

You? Don’t just read there and do nothing. Do something. We have to join the support system of the Earth. Never even fail to remember God in these times of predicaments. Help out. Pray. Pray harder. Act out.

Earthquake rocks- LITERALLY.

2010-02-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

                 It's never really good to be really optimistic. As they say, "Thou shall not compians!" haha.

                 I thought today's gonna be okay already. I never thought of disasters coming again. But mom told us to just stay home in case of unpleasant happenings- well, I was thinking about my practice for our practicum in PE class with my classmates. I still went to school.
   If only I have listened to mom, I wouldn't be really traumatized like this now. We were already in the middle of our practice when suddenly- the ground shook so hard, things were falling, the walls and roofs of the Library lobby were already producing roaring sounds and my classmates were all running. I was panic-stricken again. I didn't know what to do exactly. I wasn't wearing my slippers on. Unfortunately, I was dumb-founded by the earthquake.
   My classmates screamed like there's gotta be no tomorrow and they were running towards the exit. I was left. I was so stupid to not even move. Until fortunately, my cousin grabbed my hands and took me off like a heroine. Wow. I was still alive. Surprisingly, the really hard earthquake stopped when we reached the outside. I was still running after my breath. My knees were shaking like crazy and my heart was pounding so hard.
                I was still shocked by what happened last night. I haven't yet recovered from the trauma last night- and now, earthquake! For a moment I thought were all gonna die. If not now, soon. I knew it. I just knew it. 2012's gonna be the end of the world. I'm still crossing my fingers that this is some sort of a nightmare.. Just a nightmare. Were all gonna wake up.Soon. Im hoping against hope for that.

TSUNAMI ALERT SHAKES MATI'S SILENCE

2010-02-28T08:43:00.001-08:00

Matinians were trembled. The people were screaming and running like crazy. I had ran with the crowd still uncertain of what's going to happen next. Now I'm an evacuee. Last thing I can remember is..

I was surfing the net in one of the internet shops in our town when suddenly; dreading shouts filled the outside air, the door slammed open, a father came to get his son. “The seawater’s risen surprisingly! Go home, RIGHT NOW!!” .

My sister grabbed my hands and led me to the entrance. But the people were already terrified that they filled the door altogether within a second and caused it to be blocked. I already forgot about all my things in my compartment in the internet shop. I was already horrified that I didn’t even mind the people, who were already clogging the passage way, I just wanted to get out.

The funny part was, my sister grabbed my hand as I tried to get out and shouted, “Te, nakai nabilin 6 sa table! Kuhaon naq, Sayang! (Te, there’s P6.00 in your table, I’ll get it!). She sounded so stupid to still save the six-peso coin while our lives are already imperiled. (*Haha!)

As we got out of the internet shop, I knew it right then and there- the end of the world is near. I was shocked. The people are running towards uncertain directions screaming for help, trying to spare their lives. The seawater had gone beyond the seawalls. The water has already started to appear on the land, and the wind was blowing turbulently. The nature has gone mad. El Nino, the other day, a high magnitude earthquake, and now? – Well, let’s simply say, just a signal number two Tsunami alert.

Who wouldn’t get really scared on that scenery? I was already panic stricken. I badly wanted to go home. Pedicabs and motorcycles would just run pass thru us. I was running like a crazy cat with nowhere to go with my younger sister. Funny part again-As I was running, coins dropped from my bag every now and then because I forgot to close my bag. My sister was still shouting about the coins falling from my bag. She was like, “Te! Nangatagak ang imung coins! Hulat sa! (Te! Your coins are falling! Wait!). without second thoughts, I grabbed her hand and shouted at her to forget about the coins. We are already running for our lives!

We ran with the anxious and scared crowd with no clear directions at all. With our adrenaline rushing, we didn’t notice we had already run a distance of more or less, 500 meters within 30 seconds! Fortunately, we were able to persuade a pedicab driver to drive us home. Admittedly, I felt a twinge of guilt when he told us he was also in a hurry because his 7 years old son was left alone at home. While we were driving home, we could pass thru people, mostly families who carried really big baggages heading for evacuation centers. Wow. My first time to witness a fierce calamity in my quiet little town.

I was praying and calling God for divine interventions. I still have so many plans for my life. I was like losing my saliva and my heart was pounding like crazy. I felt like I was losing oxygen again. My knees are shaking like it had an earthquake under it with a magnitude of 8.8 and my heart seemed to jump out of my shirt. I was hardly catching my breath. I was really scared. This was for real now.

When we got home, everything was already prepared. Our pertinent papers, some foods and clothes- everything. Mom was still wearing her pajamas and her face went really pale. Poor mom. She was all nervous. I couldn’t think of a right thing to do. I was really panic-stricken.

The police patrol checked our shorelines after some hours and announced that we are already safe. It’s gonna be okay. But my heart wouldn’t just stop pounding like crazy. So here we are now, evacuees. Wow. So this is how it feels like. And I should tell you, it’s not a good feeling after all! I’m still scared, still uncertain of how tomorrow may come.

My town, Mati, has never been hit by the fierce of nature really hard. Thus, this made the people here to not really care about the Tsunami alerts, though they finally cared when the level alert was raised to signal number 2. God. Help us.

Right now, I just wanna go home. Lesson learned about I and my sissy’s experience? –ALWAYS CLOSE YOUR BAG. Haha. I’m kidding right, well, here goes, Stay calm, Observe, Do actions.

bingka incorporated: Lit 2 - Video Satire

2010-02-28T04:39:00.000-08:00

bingka incorporated: Lit 2 - Video Satire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDjKTo4Da6Y

14th of FEBRUARY [late post]

2010-02-27T21:37:00.001-08:00

14^th of February; what’s the big deal with it?

I woke up this morning with mom annoying me with her murdering hugs on bed. I stretched out my hand for my phone and when I looked at its screen, guess what? 118 messages received. What the?!

What added to my frustration was that the 118 messages I received contained one thought, Valentine’s Day. Now I didn’t quite get that. Why are all the people so excited about it? What’s there to be excited for? Damn. I had disliked the idea of Christmas and New Year. Am I becoming a Grinch for the hearts’ day too? Blimey! What’s going on with me?

I so loved the idea of Valentine’s Day way back in high school. And I admit, the boys that I went crazy about were my impetus for this event of the year. I get so excited waiting for this day to come; I couldn’t sleep at night just thinking of it over and over again. I’d love to make everyone notice me on this day. I was so jejune. I would wear eye-catching clothes and alluring smiles. I would hang out with friends and date with guys. I have loved Valentine’s Day so much before.

I used to be a very avid fan of the 14^th of February. I believed I would get the chance to hook up with the guys I like on this day of the year. I couldn’t help but have faith that I would get the greatest love I was waiting for all of my life on this event. I was so crazy about Valentine’s Day. BEFORE.

Okay, that was before. Last year, last last year; last last last year and so on. I can’t quite understand what’s happening with me at the moment. I can’t figure out the reason behind my peculiar behavior towards this day. I can’t even grasp reality that today is Valentine’s Day. Okay. Today is hearts’ day, but what’s the big deal about it?

I don’t wanna ruin the fun and all. I just want to find the answer why I am I becoming a Grinch on the holidays of the people? Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day.. what more? I don’t wanna add more. Damn. Help.

7PM ; LAST TRIP

2010-02-27T21:32:00.000-08:00

I am all lonely and blue

Thought I'd never see you..

Again or whatever

I thought I'm gonna wait forever

You told me none of your plans

you just came here and surprisingly grabbed my hands

what could I say?

I just want the moment to stop; stay.

Stay with me, never leave again

You're my happiness, you're my heaven

You know who really I am.

with you, I believed I can..

You keep me strong.

You make me feel I truly belong

I can't stand seeing you hurt.

It would only break my heart

We go out. We break free

with you, I'm just so happy

I couldn't help but wish..

That time would just stop; oh please!

We've got two hours left now..

And we're here staring at each other’s eyes..

No pretense; no lies

We both know I want you to stay longer..

But now here we are again

Seems like we're heavily laden

I can't take the sight of you leaving..

Now I just can't stop crying..

It's 7pm - it's gonna be the last trip..

It's time for you to go..

Give me a hug; hold me close momentarily..

Turn back now; you've got a bus to catch.

I try so hard not to let you see.

I try so hard to smile and look happy..

Deep within, I'm bleeding badly..

Deep within I'm crying like crazy..

This is just so obnoxious..

The rain is just so contagious..

Now that you're gone I can freely cry..

I couldn’t help but think I’m gonna die..

But I know I have to understand..

I'll just know, soon enough you'll return and hold my hand..

I'll be waiting patiently for you..

Wherever you go, take care - I LOVE YOU.

*yayo i'll be missing you :(

hiatus FACEBOOK.

2010-02-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

I'm going to give myself a brak from my cyberworld. It's gonna be a hiatus for my FACEBOOK, FRIENDSTER and MULTIPLY. I'm still deciding if I'm gonna consider blogging. Well, goodluck! It's just a little sacrifice :] I'm hoping against hope I can make it. I can and I will. Hiatus now! I'll be missing you :]

Follow this blog

real deal? WHAT??

2010-02-10T06:03:00.003-08:00

I had this “Lovers’ Symposium” awhile ago in my school. Yeah, of course I learned a little, somehow. Their sermons are just repeated over and over in every “teen talk”. This is becoming so exasperating. Why is it that when the adults talk about love existing in the teenagers, they seem to really abhor the idea? I can’t get it. Didn’t they become teensters too?

Our speaker stressed out that Love really has some reasons behind. He stated these reasons;

You have true love if:

- You care for your mate’s welfare and fulfillment as you do for your own.

- You both have many values and ideas in common

- You share similar goals and ideas

I just want to clarify things out. Does love really go with these reasons? Do you really have to consider these reasons before you say you’re truly in love? I have read magazines and books and they tell me love is unconditional and unexplainable. How do they differ with the statements quantified by our speaker awhile ago? Do you really have to seek for these reasons before you proclaim you’re in love with someone? My question is – does love really go with these reasons- ONLY?

I was quite disappointed by –let’s say the message of their talk. Mr. Speaker tells us to stop wasting our time with the affairs we have right now. Because we’re too young, we still don’t get things right, we’re prone to making mistakes, that entering into relationship means you really have to marry that person you’ve had an affair with in the future. the thing that I can never forget is, he told us, affairs right now’s just gonna be a waste of time, money, effort and most of all, emotions.

I myself am into these affairs, but I don’t think it’s really a waste of time. I think I am just enjoying my teenage life. I know my limitations and I don’t neglect my studies. I chose to do the right as a teenager. Well you see, not all teensters with sweethearts are into PMS or any unlawful activities. I don’t it’s necessary to call it a waste of time, money, effort and emotions. It’s called- experience. Well, experience is the best teacher. We commit mistakes, we undergo failures but it’s never gonna be the end of the world. If we learn from our mistakes and use our experiences to correct things out well then, you’re living.

It’s just a ‘live-a-life issue’. We live as teenagers and we act as a teenager too. How do they expect us? Live the life they lived centuries ago? We have our own ways of living. We love. We get hurt. We love again until the hurt stops, it’s life cycle. Love is a very inexorable thing. We can never stop that. We can never inflict whys and wherefores to it.

whatever they're trying to convey what the real meaning of love is, I APPARENTLY DON'T GET IT. I dont understand. shut me up or else..

stress . gimme a break.

2010-02-10T05:53:00.001-08:00

We are in the times of our lives where we lurk just about everywhere; where we seem to be slapdash earthlings just frolicking around and getting wherever we may get to. We are on the rising action of our existence. We discover new things, go for adventures, and try new stuffs. We go to school, mingle with friends, enter relationships and study, of course. We are on our teenage life and it seems to be the climax for many.

One thing that can never be gone out of the scenery in the climax of our teenage extravaganza is the ever ubiquitous STRESS! Well, all of us experience strains most especially when we are still on the stage of our lives where we are just starting to learn about time management.

As a teenager, I come across sundry stresses that can unquestionably affect my lifestyle. These stressors seem to be inexorable as I continue with my daily routine. My experience drives me to figure out what are the real stressors of a teenager. If I can decode them, maybe I can repel ‘em someday. With the help of my support system, I gathered infos about the major stressors of the teenage populace. Here they are..

1. SCHOOL. Well, we all know that. School isn’t really that cool nowadays if not for our friends, right? Projects pile up; assignments are unending, quizzes, terror teachers, damn! School is referred to by many students as a- for wanting of a better term- living hell. Well what should I guess? I’m a student too. If not for my parents and friends and future why would I go and burn myself in a living hell? Haha. I’m beginning to be so mean here right. But that’s just the case. I’m just dealing with that. How can school inflict stress to the students? I think it just depend on the student, on their attitude towards school. Stress always goes with school. It’s stereotyped since ages ago. I think stress is really inevitable in school. Even teachers get it too. The only solution to get rid of stress in school is to master time management. Well, actually it’s the solution for all the cases of stress. Learn to balance things out not just study and study. Important thing too; never cram. (as if I don’t do it too! Irony eh? Haha) well, I just realized that cramming never helps. Have fun with school. That’s why you have friends. Mingle with them. Make learning fun thru your own special ways.

2. PARENTS. Well well well. I guess you have it but you’re just keeping it secretly. You don’t have to hide that. I’m unleashing the parent-stress here now. Mom and dad sometimes expect so much from us that they overlooked our achievements and fail to appreciate them. They want us to be someone we never even thought of, or maybe they impose rules that you can hardly follow. Dad enforces strict laws at home that you can hardly breathe or move and Mom nags almost every minute plus the career that they impose on you. How can you escape that? Fleeing is never an answer. You can talk about it with your parents. But be sure to take it lightly. Speak when you know you have to but don’t just overdo it that they may think you don’t respect them already. Parents have heart too. Just let it out of them if you still can’t feel it.

3. PEERS. You can say that again. Peers, friends, buddies, bffs, well whatever you call them they too are contributors of stress in your life. Well friends do give us effervescent jiffies but it’s not all the time. Admit it. There are just times when they let you do things you think you shouldn’t. you indulge and give in, that’s what we call peer pressure. They stress you out when they confuse you with your decision. It’s when you run to them to ask for suggestions and advice and they give you wrong and different stuffs. They perturb you when you have to follow the rules they impose which you really find ‘not-so-you’. Well we all know this happens. Everywhere, anytime. If you just go on and endure with the ‘stress’, well you’re just prolonging the agony. Go tell them or if they really do no good to you, get rid of them, it doesn’t matter how many armies you’ve got with you. What matters most is that you know how to respect each other.

4. RELATIONSHIPS. You can’t help it. You feel you’re so in love with your sweetheart that you go crazy and upset and you feel that the whole world is breaking apart when you undergo petty fights or worse, break ups. Or maybe the other way around. You begin to neglect your responsibilities because you corrupt too much time for that special someone. You keep thinking about how you’re going to be and your wishful thinking seems to be unstoppable already. Relationships never run out of problems. One important thing to hold back in our minds. To get rid of stress in relationships, learn to balance things out and give yourself some time too. Not just shower them off to your sweetheart. Never neglect responsibilities for they will only pile more stresses up. Learn to know your value in your relationship. Your partner would easily understand that you also have things to care of if he really loves you. Well if not, learn the art of letting go. Haha. To harsh? Well, just let him deal with your responsibilities too. Let him learn.

5. MEAGER ALLOWANCE. Yes or yes? Am I right or am I right? Haha. It’s totally patent. You have only limited allowance for fare and a little snack and you still have small payments in class for photocopies or charities or whatever. You’re trying so hard to save even the last coins of your allowance but the class payments would just exhaust them off. Plus you still set aside a little amount for your load. You’re trying really hard to save for the latest Basque at the front of the shop window but you just can’t because your savings would magically disappear in your pocket. You can’t buy what you want and sometimes what you need because your allowance isn’t just sufficient. Well you have a thing for that. You can go and tell mom and dad. Or- you should better understand the crisis of our economy today.

There are really star-count stresses existing in our asylum. They become so insurmountable that they make the world go crazy. Well I think we just have to be connoisseurs of stress. If there’s only a subject that teaches us how to control and manage stress, I know it’s gonna be a hit subject for all time. Want to know a thing? Just writing this blog makes me stressed already! Just thinking about what causes stress for us makes me stressed! Woah! Stress is becoming normal and part of our everyday routine. What can we do? It’s ubiquitous. Just learn to manage your time. Learn to manage stress, until it stresses you no more. :]

hardLIGHT!

2010-02-10T05:47:00.001-08:00

We were having our P.E class awhile ago and I have this classmate, a girl, who really gets into my nerves. She annoys me. She’s a brat. She wants everything to be done according to her own decree, she doesn’t listen. She just talks and talks and talks until she salivates and her mug magically turns into that of Grendel’s face in the epic of Beowulf.

All of us couldn’t help to be infuriated if someone badgers you to what you should do and how you should decide things out. Well my classmate just reminds me of my teacher way back in high school. He mandates me to follow every decision he have and do every summon he gives. Well what did I do? I didn’t give him even a single damn. I went directly against his will. Who was he to pester me anyway?

I just can’t help but think of this over and over again: Never allow someone to dictate you. Even your parents. Especially when you’re on the crossroads of your decisions. People around you like your parents are just there to guide you. Not to order you. Yes, they are a cut above us but that doesn’t mean they can already control our lives. My classmate was okay, richer than I am and more popular. But that doesn’t mean she can already look at my fellow classmates like her underlings. No.

This doesn’t just apply to my classmate, to our parents, to our friends. This is for all. They don’t have the right to maneuver us. We are the ones who run our own lives. I’d love to reminisce this line from Invictus's,”You are the master of your fate; you are the captain f your soul” . Just bare that in mind, ALWAYS.

2010-02-07T20:38:00.001-08:00

Follow this blog

Building Bridges; Achieving Excellence

2010-02-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

We are compassion. We are hope. We strive. We bleed. We cry. We succeed.

As a youth, have you ever found your field of specialization yet? Have you discovered and used your skills lately? Have you started honing your talents; sharpened your minds? Are you prepared for the future?

We, the youth, we are capable of conquering a vast number of obstacles. God has granted us a unique skill that we must foster, whether it may be in the sciences or humanities. Our only way of thanking Him is to use His given gifts. But how do we really use and foster these gifts wisely? How do we find the right path to be traversed? How?

Excellence. Perfection. These are just some of our goals for the future, to achieve excellence and perfection to build a greater tomorrow; a successful future. Knowledge has boomed out of economy and yes, it became “knowledge economy”. Our generation is filled with millions of factors in which we can use to develop our budding skills. Technology has risen abruptly. Thus, on the other way around, blinding the innocents’ eyes with iniquity; Ignorance, becoming its greatest vulnerability.

Young as we are, it is an undeniable fact that many of us have been lost in tract. Vast number of the youth has become lost sheep. Darkness has crept like a thief in the night and conquered and blinded a huge number of the youth’s populace. Unfortunately, the budding armies of the new generation for the future have lost in number.

Unquestionable. Look around you. Your tongue may deny. But your hypothalamus won’t lie. As the youth what have we done for our future? for ourselves development? Better understanding? Where is it?

We’ve been jailed in the cage of ignorance for ages now. This isn’t only a problem of the youth. It is the problem of the whole nation. Where did all our skills go? Hidden under ignorance?

In this darkness, we seek light to beckon us, to build a bridge for us to take. The bridge which will help us achieve our goals. The bridge to help us mold excellence.

Many have said, proper education is the only way to eliminate ignorance. Yes. It’s true. It’s irrefutably true. Through education, we are molded to better individuals. We are honed to good citizens. All the little things we know help us sharpen our minds and fall into correct thinking and better understanding. It’s not only about this. Education fosters and improves as well our skills and abilities which will soon serve as our catapults and gears for the challenges of the future. Through education, we became prepared for our battle in achieving our goal; Excellence.

We are proud that we, the youth, are not alone in our quest. Many thanks to the support given to us by the generation before us. It is such an honor for us to be guided accordingly. Thank you for believing in us despite of our failures.

We would somehow learn to believe in ourselves. We would soon realize the power to achieve self confidence and the power to develop and share our gifts.

In the wicked contemporary time lies change. Beneath failures lies determination. Remember what’s left inside Pandora’s Box? – HOPE. Hope lies on the palms of our hands. As long as we breathe, there’s still hope.

Hope is what we are. We are the new generation and we will unleash the future in perseverance and determination. Through our knowledge, skills and talents, we will defy time. We will change the doomed future. we will build bridges. We will achieve excellence. We are the new generation. We are the future. we are the youth.

Specials..

2010-02-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

When a tie called “FRIENDSHIP” sprouts, it’s never gonna be possible to break the thread again. Nothing ever. Even DISTANCE. And this is how my story begins…

I was thrown into a university I NEVER dreamt of. It was just so unbelievable. I can’t figure out why I ever said yes to my parents’ choice. Maybe it’s the least that I can do for them. Deep inside, I was obviously deprived from the things that I wanted. I was deprived from my own choice. What can I do? I’m just a daughter. I never really wanted to be far from home. I was never really prepared to go and live away. Honestly, I just packed my things just approximately 10 minutes before my departure. I was still confused. I couldn’t even understand why I have to follow their will. But of course, they’re my parents. But still, I was incredulous. Yes. The University of the Philippines is a prestigious school. But I never imagined myself returning to the boondocks of UP. That time, I was only sure of one thing. I WAS UNPREPARED.

Sadly, dad wasn’t there to give me comfort. He wasn’t there to bring me to school and help me fix things up in the dormitory. And guess what? The dormitory has a lot to offer! Sordid rooms filled with cobwebs, forsaken clothes from the previous dormers and mountainous piles of trashes. ‘Thanks a lot!’ I shouted sarcastically at the back of my mind.

First day of the Summer Bridge Program in UP. I was still wishing I was only stuck in a very horrible nightmare. All day long, I just wore a stupid simper. I was still thankful on the other hand that I know someone from the bunch of kids there. Kyle. Thank God I’m not alone. Kyle was always there to give me company. He was indeed, a friend. The kids around us mistook us for sweethearts. I just laughed. We spent most of our times alone together since we do not have friends yet. Not until, I met my roommate. She was a gorgeous young lady with a white complexion and long straight tresses with gold-yellow highlights on them. I honestly thought of her as ‘one of the in-crowd’ and that she’d make lots of friends. She’ll not mind me anyway.

It was already late for breakfast. Although it was against my will, I just have to speed up and go for a quick breakfast. I was surprised. ‘Jobel’ was still sitting at the study table staring at nothingness. That’s weird. What’s with this girl? I was laughing inside because of her piteous face. I didn’t know what had gotten into me but I invited her to breakfast. I was startled by her reaction. Her face lit up and she took a what seemed to be a ‘relief breath’. We started a conversation and glad she wasn’t really picky on friends. I felt comfortable and I guess so did she. We met Kyle at the canteen. He was with his roommate. Patrick and Naseffh. Patrick seemed to be serious and quiet. Nassefh has something he’d rather keep with himself. He was also quiet. But these were just my impressions of course.

We were about to get out of the canteen when we bumped into a girl who happens to be Patrick’s classmate in high school. Patrick introduced her to us. Darlene. Her name fits her a lot. She was a small girl with long curly hair an small chinky eyes. I thought she’s got a Japanese blood in her. She was funny and talkative. She appeared to be shy at first but minutes later, she wasn’t anymore. From then on, our gang was formed. We called ourselves the ‘Bukakerz’. I didn’t exactly know its meaning but it sounds fun.

Honestly, I think our gang was envied by many. As we march down the hallways or anywhere, the kids around us would follow us with their gazes of amazement. I felt happy and proud. My 17^th birthday was the best birthday ever. It was my first birthday alone. I was so clueless. But the thoughtful Bukakerz gave me a surprise that I had to pinch myself to make sure it was real. Over all, I was so overwhelmed.

We seemed so inseparable. Patrick and I were on the same class, Kyle an Jobelle were on the other class and Darlene and Nasseffh were on the same class. I suddenly forgot about my remorse in attending the SBP in UP. But despite the closeness of our gang, inevitable arguments stormed us. I felt so pathetic and useless when Patrick had the biggest arguments with Darlene and Jobelle. I didn’t get the chance to stop them. I was at home that time. That event, unfortunately, made Jobelle decide to return home and back out in UP. We were so wrecked that I cried all night. It was hard.

That was it. Our gang was unluckily ruined. Our friendship turned into a bitter animosity. I resented Patrick and Nasseffh for that. I blamed them for Jobelle’s sudden departure. Darlene was so emotional. I didn’t know how to handle the situation. But I decided to forgive them and heal our wounds. We became friends again but not that ‘close’ anymore. Kyle and Darlene were the only Bukakerz who remained. Sef and Pat seemed to live different lives already. Whenever we bump into each other, it felt awkward already. I didn’t know. Sigh.

I attempted several times not to continue anymore and just leave. I was becoming another person already. I became a loner. A very depressed and bitter loner. I forgot all about what I’ve learned. I became so dumb. Damn! I was just so different. I’ve decided a million times already not to finish the SBP anymore. But the promise I’ve had with the Bukakerz lingers through my head and stops me. “No one will leave. One for all and all for one. We’re all in this together”. But my emotions were too strong. I was already out of myself. I just wanted to save myself from insanity. All I just want that time was to get home. I just want to get home. But I can’t leave Arlene. Not this time. Kyle and Darlene stood by me always. We remained there to aid and encourage each other. I sacrificed my comfort zone. I just have to stay there. Period.

Finally, the SBP came to an end. It was a great relief to me to finally get home. I hadn’t said a decent goodbye to Pat, Sef and Darl. They were in a hurry. They had their parents who fetched them. It was an obnoxious scene. Obnoxious ever. Families reunited, hugging their kids who had been away for more than a month. Wow. It was painful to see them and I was alone. Kyle was with his parents. I wasn’t able to see the three anymore. I ran to a corner and sobbed. It was inevitable. But at long last! I was finally going home.

* * * * * *

Summertime was over. I was already enrolled in UP. I was left with no choice. For heavens’ sake, I was still crossing my fingers that this was just some sort of a Halloween horror syndrome while walking along the catwalk of UP. It was already the 2^nd week of classes but I wasn’t still sure if I was really going to continue studying there. I was still in a bubble of a dreadful nightmare. I was trapped. But I tried so hard to adjust so as not to disappoint my parents. I was struggling. Struggling so hard. I was traversing a very different road. I was lost in track. I didn’t know myself anymore. I was becoming more of a pathetic rubbish goblin.

What alarmed me most was that, I started skipping classes already. I took my studies for granted. I wasn’t happy. I was so deprived. I didn’t understand why I have to suffer myself like this. I was becoming a different person. A very stupid and dumb person. I was so lost. But God was so great. I knew it. He noticed me finally. Thanks a lot! It was a great reinforcement to me when I accidentally bumped into a classmate. She was also an SBPian. But we weren’t that acquainted. We just knew each other, that was it. We were just discussing lessons until we arrived in a topic where we were struck. We shared the same sentiments. She was also bitter. I was bitterer. But I was lucky. For I was able to meet a friend. Karen served as my sister. I never felt ashamed to cry in front her. We became inseparable. I just felt so comforted with her presence. The way she talks, she sounds like a big sister to me.

Our friendship was genuine. I could sense that. But it was still inevitable to feel bitter for she isn’t always around. There are times I felt so humiliated and oppressed by my classmates in the University. Whenever I am all alone, I just ran to the Comfort Room. That room served as my comfort zone in UP. I felt so pathetic for I seemed to reside there already. I ate, rest and spent most of my time there. The comfort room, is indeed a ‘comfort room’.

Karen helped me to recover my grades. She was indeed a sister in help. I slowly recovered from my stupidity. She gently took me out of the darkness. I should know. She spared me form total insanity. Through Karen, I met ‘Ate Abby’. A graduate student from UP Diliman. She was a mission volunteer in our school. A catechist? I really don’t know what to call her. Despite our long age gap, she became a friend. I was thankful to meet her.

All these times, Darlene was just by my side. Kyle was there too. He never failed to extend his help. But since his course was making him terribly busy, we seldom see each other. But despite our busy schedules, we find ways to sit and talk. I was glad Darl and I were under the same course. Karen and I were classmates. The three of us hanged out together and since then, we became ‘tres marias’. I had fun with them and gratefully, I forgot about my bitter reality. I learned to accept my parents’ decision. Together, we struggled to pass our subjects. We were on the same battle. Holding on to each other for strength and inspiration.

I was convinced to stay in UP and continue my studies there. Because of them, I was lifted up from my darkness. I was glad, I met more friends. Pat and Sef had been there too. At the end of the semester, I felt so satisfied. The Bukakerz, although Jobelle was studying far from us, remained friends. Karen was there. Her support was unwavering.

* * * * * *

At the middle of the semester break, I still felt so stressed with the exams. I couldn’t sleep at night. I was already Insomniac. I could already perceive some growing pimples on my face and black circles below my eyes. I felt so worn out. I couldn’t understand. My hands grew numb. I couldn’t carry my feet. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t turn. Until I couldn’t move a single muscle anymore. My sight suddenly dimmed. And I lost consciousness.

I woke up in a divine setting. The fog was thick and I couldn’t see anything. Just a blinding white light. A colossal iron seemed to bang me on my head and I was astonishingly alarmed. I was dead. ‘What the f*c*?!!’ was all I could shout at the back of my mind. I didn’t want to die yet. I am too young for this. No way! No! I shrieked in horror and dismay. I was dreaming! Wasn’t I?

Ouch! I didn’t exactly know what hit my chest that it sent electricity through my weak body and awoken me from my vile nightmare. I was like gasping for breath when I finally woke up. I tried to move a finger, then a hand. A liberation. I slowly opened my eyes. Blurry. I squinted so hard. I carefully observed my surrounding. I was unfortunately lying on a hospital bed. Mum was there. Staring at me hopefully with tearful eyes. Then she hugged me tightly. I asked for water. My throat felt like it was in the season of drought. Mum explained what happened.

Dad called. He was crying so hard. His voice sounds so strong but I know deep inside him was pain. Pain of not seeing his family. And his daughter fighting for her life. He wants me to transfer. He wants me to follow him at the country where he was working. He wants me to undergo heart transplant. I didn’t want that. I just told him I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine. Dad wanted me to continue my education there with him so he could watch over me. But I have to be first year standing here in the Philippines so that means I’d have to finish my 1^st year here. He told me he never wanted to lose a child. He told me to please hold on. I replied a weak yes almost under my breath.

I can feel the pain they were feeling at that moment. Mum was crying so hard. Dad was controlling his tears. It was so painful to hear his voice shaking in sorrow. I wanted to cry. But I shouldn’t. I gathered all the strength left in me and talked to him like nothing happened. I sounded normal and okay. I hoped I sounded strong. My heart was undeniably so broken. I wanted to cry. Cry out the pain I felt inside but I just couldn’t and shouldn’t. I have to wear a strong façade in everybody’s presence.

Mum begged me to study here in our town. She wants me to always stay near her. So I decided to grant their wish. I know, I have to stay near. It was a tough decision for me. That means I’d have to give up the prestige of UP and leave all my friends behind. It was against my will. But I just chose what’s best for me and what’s best for my parents’ anxiety.

* * * * *

It was so hard. And tough. Painful. But it was for my own good. I knew I just had to follow.

I came to UP to process everything I had for my transfer. Darlene and Karen were there. I wasn’t able to tell everyone for it was a sudden decision. Darl and Karen were the only ones I’ve confessed. But I never really knew whether I should tell them the whole story. I never wanted people to worry. I loved those girls so much that I never wanted to see them crying. It will hurt me.

Unusual. The feeling was very unusual. My heart sank as we processed the things we have to process. Their enrollment, and my dismissal. I just wanted to have a long session of ‘sit and talk’ with them all day long but we were so busy for that. I wanted to cry but I had to have fun in their presence. No tears. I promised myself. Be strong in front of them.

The day seemed so short and the hours seemed to fly fast. I had to get all of my things from the dorm since it was already getting late and it was already time to leave. My heart sank to its worst. My feet got heavy. My emotions are getting too strong again. I have to fight them to be strong. I just have to.

Patrick and Kyle didn’t know I was leaving UP. It was hard for me to leave without even saying goodbye to them. Sef and Eirvin came across and saw me with my baggage. Their faces were so blank that I didn’t even notice my tears from escaping my eyes. I just gave them a big hug. I suck. I thought I had promised myself I wouldn’t cry. But it was inevitable. I thought I could help it. But it wasn’t that easy. Never.

Karen, Darl and Eirvin decided to bring me to the terminal. It was more painful. I have to admit I had a hard time to prevent my tears from falling even in the taxi. I was wearing a stupid sarcastic simper. I was glad we had time to talk during the 30-minute travel to the terminal. The music from the radio of the taxi was like teasing us. It seemed to cooperate with our situation. It played very sad songs. The pain’s gone too unbearable that finally, we gave ourselves the chance to show our feelings and cry.

It was painful to see them leave from the terminal. It was not easy to be left alone there an wait for my departure. It was so heart braking to see them waving their goodbyes. Would it be final? I’m afraid I can’t tell. But it was time. I understood, I just have to go.

* * * * * *

Not being able to say decent goodbyes to Kyle and Patrick troubles me. I’m afraid they wouldn’t understand and would misunderstand and hate me forever. I just can’t help worrying.

Thinking about the happy and bitter memories I’ve shared with my friends in UP makes me gloomy. The laughters we’ve shared are endless. Their chuckles seem to echo inside my mind and it is so delicious that it rushes through me like a waterfall. I have to admit I find myself miserable at the moment because of missing them. What can I do? We’re hundred miles apart. I’m afraid I won’t always be healthy. You know what I mean.

So before I’ll say goodbye to this Earth and lose the chance of talking to them again, if we’d see each other, I’ll never going to let them go by not saying this: ‘I am the wind, even if you can’t see me, I’ll always be here. I’ll never forget to make your days calmed and relaxed. I’ll dance with your hair and hope you’ll sway with me. Even when we’re millions of miles apart, just look up and know we’re underneath the same big sky. I love you, and I always will.’

I’d have to tell you, value friendship. You just have to. Sometime in your life, you will always need a friend.

I’d have to say…

-MeichiPiaw Liang-

Ode to my Onset

2010-02-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

Imagine this:

A naturally heavenly ambiance, jam-packed with ecstatic temperaments. A locale where simplicity reigns and serenity speaks. You’re in the acme of your wishful thinking and quixotic dreams, frolicking and flying in mid-air. Nothing to think and worry about. Just you and your momentous solitude. Peaceful and quiet and…

“Aisko! Dyeste! Sa meron! Sa wala!! Aisko! Aisko!!”

Flabbergasted screams filled the tranquil air surmounting over the calmness and silence of the moment. To your dismay, all of your visionary dreams will evaporate the moment these strident screeches crowd the air.

“Aisko! Dyeste! Sa meron! Sa wala!! Aisko! Aisko!!”

These are just some of the words that went ringing in my ears all throughout the years I have dwelt in a place called Don Luis Rabat Village. A village situated at the quiet simple town of Mati, Davao Oriental, the sunrise capital of the Philippines. And this was where my world began.

It was inside our house when I first took a glimpse on what the world was. My world back then just lie along the four corners of our little domicile. Life back then, was simple, in my own naive mind’s view. It was in fact, simple, for everyone who lived in our small town.

I was a taciturn child at my early childhood. I was neither friendly nor communicative. I had my own world. I was inside a bubble and nobody else is allowed to go inside. Just me. I thought I was going to be like that, forever. I was hopeless for I, myself, didn’t even give a chance for my betterment, young as I was. I was afraid.

Afraid of the menace the world has yet to offer. I was so incredulous and I was still so young to be so dubious about the outside world.

Sitting beside the translucent window witnessing the splendor of the twilight became my pastime. It was so beautiful that you’ll easily fall for it. It displays a perfect panorama which you can never forget. It was a picturesque of heaven. I believe it wasn’t only I who was watching and falling in love with the beauty of the dusk. I was certain some people were also looking at the breathtaking view of the sky. It was without a shadow of a doubt, amazingly grandiose.

As I watch people pass by our house, I noticed their faces were never without smiles. They seemed to be happy. The one I can’t forget was this really “big” bearded man who, from my observation, walks by our house every approximately five in the afternoon. I was sort of afraid of him when I first saw him. I was startled for he really looks like Shrek in his big figure. Somehow, I thought he was a monster. I was a kid then, very imaginative.

Days, weeks, months had passed; I never missed a single day watching him pass by. I looked at him with myself unseen, hiding behind the big curtains hanging on our window. He seemed to be contented with what he was. He smiles even when there was no one around. For once, I thought he was insane. But he wasn’t, my dad assured me. I continued stalking him. But not to the extent that I’d follow him home. I just waited for him to walk by and look at him anxiously.

One day, while I was already preparing to hide under the curtains, chagrin came up to me like a stone thrown directly on my head. He didn’t come. Where could he be? I was anxious about his whereabouts until dad noticed me. By the time I looked out of the window, he already knew the answer. “Ah. That big Mister, eh? His gone far far away dear.” I didn’t quite get that but dad just gave me a hesitant grin. I was baffled. Where could he be? I don’t know why I felt sorry for him. He might be exiled or dead or I don’t know. I was just a kid. Never had thoughts like that before.

I was again seated by the window when I noticed some kids from our neighborhood playing a game which was really strange. I never played before maybe that’s why I didn’t know how to call that game. My brother noticed me staring eagerly at them and without ifs, ands, or buts about, he dragged me excitedly outside. I was bemused.

Wow. So this is how it feels like to go outside the house. I was ridiculous. It was my first time to set foot outside our very home! There was a feeling of excitement and perplexity when all the kids gathered around me. I was a little scared but I was still able to gather all my confidence for my brother was there. He introduced me to his playmates and by that day onwards, I never missed a single day playing outside. I became “normal”. Many thanks to my brother.

I learned to mingle and make friends. I was really overwhelmed by the idea of playing all day long. Santan Street, Don Luis Rabat Village, was my enchanted kingdom when I was still a kid. Unending happiness of playing, strolling and owning this place. Who cares? Life for me before was my play time. The so called “balay-balay” is never a tedious work for me, my siblings, cousins and neighbors. They were my usual playmates during my time. “Dula ta?!” this word never receives a NO for an answer. However, 6:00 pm was our curfew. No one should stay outside our house by this time. Still out beyond six and for sure you’ll get beaten by dad. Dad became so strict when I and my siblings learned how to play beyond our backyards.

I can still remember. Darkness was covering the blue skies. It was almost seven and dad still wasn’t home yet. We seized the opportunity. We were still playing on the streets. We were so overwhelmed; we made real stalls out of woods and nipa. We didn’t mind the time for dad wasn’t around yet. It was really the best “balay-balay” ever. The stalls were all done.

They were so beautiful and they seemed so real. We were already dividing whose stall was which when suddenly; my brother heard the sound of dad’s motorcycle. Kuya remorselessly ruined our stalls and grabbed me and my sister back to our house. But before we can get in, dad’s motor was already parked outside the house, to my sister’s panic, she peed in her short pants. That was really trembling! Know what our dad did? He just laughed boisterously. I and my brother joined him laughing. My sister was so piteous that the only thing she could do was burst out into tears.

After that incident, we never exceeded from six in the evening. The genesis of real life opened to me when I began to go to school. I met different personalities. It wasn’t hard for me to mingle with my classmates and make friends by that time for I was already taught how to. School was my second home.

I grew up and turned into adolescent, my world change a lot. It wasn’t a playground anymore. It was more of a bazaar. A colossal cockpit was built two blocks away from our house. It was so annoying for I can’t concentrate well with my studies and homework. Earsplitting, thunderous, annoying screams and cheers filled the air. To my dismay, it lasted for about 13 hours. From five in the afternoon up to six in the morning.

I’d sleep with the vociferous noise and have it as an alarm clock in the morning. It was so disturbing! For heaven’s sake it was so annoying!! But the irony was, I was somehow getting used to it. I can’t sleep without the noise anymore. It seemed like a mechanism for me to sleep.

Going to a much bigger world, our town, It wasn’t surprising for me anymore to see more peculiar personalities. Mati was a reserved town. Very simple and quiet. Although it was struggling to become a city, the people in my place never wanted it to be one. They were contented for what the place was. The project of the congress was alarming to the tycoons of Mati. They were afraid their little businesses would be covered and their livelihoods will fall. For environmentalists, it was a perilous step. They were thinking of the natural wealth of the town and never wanted them to be imperil and worse, extinct.

But the vox populi wasn’t heard. Mati became a city. Menaces came endlessly to the minds of the people who really care about the town. It was a big slap on the face of the Local government unit of Mati when the cityhood of the town was rebuked. But on the other hand, an immense triumph for the majority of the Matinians. It was such a big “laughing-matter”. A shameful one.

It was so despondent for me to leave and study college in a much greater world. I never really wanted to study far from home for I was already used to the life I have lived in our small town. It was really hard for me. I didn’t want to be independent. What for if my parents were still paying for my education? Don’t argue with me. Please. But later on, I was left with no options. My parents threw me into a different world. I understood them. It was my time to take another journey and walk into the threshold of new life.

My nights at the dormitory were so miserable. I can’t figure it out. I toss and turn at night. I can’t sleep well. It’s just that, I’m missing something out. Not my parents, not my siblings, not our house. It’s the …

“Aisko! Dyeste! Sa meron! Sa wala!! Aisko! Aisko!!”

My mechanism to sleep. ;)

Repeat: Three Pit

2010-02-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

In the beginning, God created the world- but not laptops and PSPs. In the beginning, there were only trees and seas and heavens and animals, but the first humans were as contented as they were. With the divine providence, they couldn’t ask for more. They were conclusively satisfied for what was laid then before them. But this wasn’t until Satan, in the form of a slithering snake, popped out of the scene and tempted them. Tempted them and made them eat the forbidden fruit. We all know of course that from that moment on, men had suffered the consequences of betraying the trust of the God. Death came and eternal life had been forgotten. The stupendous paradise then disappeared and the vast nothingness of the cruel world appeared right before our naked entities.

What if – Adam and Eve never really committed the original sin and remained loyal to God even until now? What would “now” seem like? What if the level of satisfaction of men is just enough that we won’t be able to know what “greed” means? What if there was really no death after all? Or the birth process we have today and all of it in the history of the world is inverted? I am honestly driven by these ‘what ifs’ and there are lots of things in the world that I’d like to change, and one of these, is primarily, its beginning.

I am dying to figure out what would have happened if the original sin wasn’t committed after all. I want to know if Eve will still bear a child in her womb if they haven’t been tempted. Will we still be here if they remained loyal to God? I just want to grasp the real scenery of a life having no sin at all. What? I’m having a dire need of answers to my questions.

Maybe the world wouldn’t worry a lot. Or maybe there will be no worries at all. My asylum will be in a state of peace. Or maybe- there will only be Adam and Eve frolicking around the lovely paradise of God. No trouble. No worries, just pure tranquility and bliss.

What else could have pushed Eve to give in to temptation? The second thing I’d like to amend in this world is the level of satisfaction of every men and women. Maybe if God designed a satisfaction in simplicity, our fore parents would have been faithful to his orders. If the level of satisfaction of men is all equal in simplicity, then, there will surely be no greediness after all. There will be no conflict. Have you ever been satisfied on a simple thing yet it made you really very happy? That you can say you can die now because of contentment?

What I’m trying to point out here is the contentment and satisfaction on unsophisticated things. We feel happy by just being plain us, by being contented and well satisfied in things that are really not heavy. You know what I mean right? Simplicity. Simplicity plays a vital role in our world today and yet, because of its “simplicity”, the world never really paid attention to it. We are so much blinded by our endless wants and needs today that we never felt contented at all. Many people believe that being unsatisfied can lead them to endless successes. But do they know it can also lead them to insanity?

Simple but true. Going back to my proposals, the third will be the alteration of the birth process or the life cycle. What if death comes first? I have read something from the internet and got love struck to it. It was George Carlin’s and he was saying, “The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.”

I find his lines so sagacious. That’s so wise of him right? It’s something that can really change our lives. It’s like, hey! I’m going to die first! It’s like you won’t be facing more and more problems as you go on with life. Maybe you’re familiar with the movie of Brad Pitt, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. It’s like that! We start lives by dying first. What an irony! Then we became adults then teenagers then babies then orgasms. It would be a great relief to those who don’t want to get old! Admit it. You can’t help wishing you could defy age.

These are just some of my proposal for alterations in the world, the level of satisfaction of men, the beginning of the original sin and the life cycle. Wouldn’t it be great if we can only change things in the world? But hey. I’m being ironical here since I wished to put in simplicity level the satisfaction of men. Right?

Well, if in the beginning, God created the PSPs and laptops and all, maybe Adam and Eve would be very busy then to attend to the temptations of Satan. The satisfaction of men will probably rise to its worst even from the start if the innovations of technology were already presented to them by God. Perhaps, if the first human beings were only satisfied of what they have and haven’t been tempted, maybe we can possibly attain eternal life. Maybe these proposals of mine won’t be just proposals. They could be real.

TEENAGE PARADIGM

2010-02-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

How could the world know you exist if you don’t even show yourself? If you don’t even speak. If you don’t even cohere with the norms of the society? How could the world know there’s a “you” resident in this milieu? Give a damn in this world and come out of your shell. You deserve a break.

The contemporary youth have been stereotyped to be nonconformists. That we don’t follow rules, we create our own world apart from the real scenery. We are tagged as paroxysmal. But isn’t it unfair for those who are abiding by the law?

This is reality. We have to face it. Even how tough it is. There is undeniably a huge gap between the teenage generation of our parents and ours. Things are far different now. A huge number of the teen population has been exposed to different unlawful activities. It is indisputable. Well just talking about the adolescent population here in the Philippines, in every 10 teensters, there are only two who are virtuous. Imagine the statistics. What percentage of the Philippine population comprises the youth? As estimated, 70%. Now that makes a colossal unorthodox Filipino youth. Sigh.

I salute the nonconformists. But not the “exaggerated” ones. Well I think too much of everything isn’t really good. I’d have to stick to that famous line.

We should speak. About what? About the truth. That not all Filipino nonconformists are rubbish and inept. We are never pathetic. Show to the world what you’ve got. Don’t be afraid of the criticisms. You’re given star-count chances to try and do something productive. How? Educate yourself. It doesn’t mean if you do not go to school you can’t be educated anymore. Remember, experience is the best teacher. Well I really don’t know where I’ve gotten to right now, but I have only one thing in mind: We can change that stereotype.

We can change the whole world. We are the hope right? Let’s prove them we still work. Bring out the best in you. You still have a chance to stand up and shine again. Just don’t let obstacles hamper you and your dreams. You can do it. You know you can.

So this is how it’s like…

2010-02-07T19:47:00.000-08:00

We run thru life. We run thru this. Love.

I always wanted to feel that eccentric feeling. That of with bubbling scenery with your eyes sparkling and shimmering and something seems to like run thru your veins like electricity and you can’t sleep at night thinking of someone you just can’t get enough with. You love the whole world and you just can’t help loving the idea of living. Because you think you’re meant to live for that someone. I always wanted to be in love.

My friends would tell me about their fabulous fancies, the boys that they like and stuff. I’d just listen and dream about mine. I really enjoy and love imagining about myself having admired by boys I also dream about. Well now that’s reality. You’d also dream about it right? Haha.

Whenever I think about myself indulging to that “love-thing”, I’d automatically fall in love with the idea of living. But of course I was so young then. I never even thought I was already falling in love. I fell in love with my momentous wishful thinking and hallucinations. Who cares? These were my thoughts. This was my world.

I wasn’t paying any attention to the world anymore when I entered college. Everything seemed so exhausting. Everything seems to exasperate me. I already forgot about my dream of falling in love, falling leaves, wind chills, momentous silence, wishing bells…. Until, gotcha! Someone came past thru me. Someone very alluring, his eyes were filled with shimmers that seemed to star-struck me. His scent seemed to bewitch me and his voice echoed again and again it seemed to spellbind me.

I was like dreaming in mid-air reality and flying with the wind as his smile flashed thru me and seemed to put me under a spell. My knees became puny and they seemed to melt with the blinking of his sparkling eyes. The time stopped and the world seemed to tumble down on my foot. Finally! I was captured. So this is how it feels like to be in love.

I can’t sleep at night thinking about that someone. I just can’t get enough of him. Damn! I can figuratively see his face in my mind as I lull myself to sleep. I just can’t stop smiling. My leers would grab attentions from the people around me and they would ask me about it. I would just say nothing and smile some more. I can’t help it.

Being in love was the craziest emotion I’ve ever felt. I became clumsy and vice versa. I couldn’t understand what I was really feeling. Being in love is really confusing. Now I’m a sucker for love. I couldn’t help it. I was irrefutably inspired. I have fallen in love with the idea of living. I would wake up every morning with the sweetest smile I’ve ever had. Now that I found some life, I wouldn’t let it go away anymore. No never. I’d love to love.

..and the wind would continue to send chills all over my body and trigger the electricity to flow once again thru my veins and I could magically see falling leaves and sparkling hearts all over my environment. My heart would sink and rise. I could sing songs I never sang before. I could write poems and songs and stories. My smiles will never be decodable. And I will always dedicate them to that very special someone who keeps winning my heart every day of my life.

High school means "Hi School"

2010-02-07T19:46:00.001-08:00

If asked, what’s the best time in your life? I would just simply answer: High school. It was the time in my life where I entered and got to know the real world. I learned about peer pressures. I learned about life. I learned about love. Too early? Yes. You can say that again. But mind you, I am a contemporary youth. I belong in the Y-generation. We act not according to our age. But according to how we think.

I got rid of crushes and babyish comportments. I became ripe as to a green fruit. I learned about crazy schemes. I became one of the girls who went crazy after boys. What can I do? The influence of my friends had a great impact on my lifestyle. I belong to the group of youngsters who are “cool” and “in”. Well, I was all the rage in high school.

Who would ever forget the friendships established in high school? Despite my memory gap, I’m sure, I’ll never fail to recall the support system I’ve had in high school- my friends. Through good times and in bad, they were there. I remember one instance when we had our first “drink”. It was in my place. We were really anxious little goblins drinking like we’ve never drank before. That’s worth to remember.

My high school was filled with fun and excitement. I forgot about my academics, I mastered on my extracurricular activities. I know that’s crazy but that’s how I enjoyed the epoch of my high school. I get to travel and enjoy benefits of being the highest ranking official of our school publication. My talents and skills were honed. I experienced being really worn out with my hectic schedules.

But despite the hustles and bustles, I can’t remember how I still manage to do crazy stuffs with my best-est friends. We experience feud frenzies but that will never last. High school means a lot to me. My friends made up my high school life :]